Some how these three photos go together and somehow show a lot about my life and what life in LA is like. Colorful sunshine through art and design as they swirl through my life. first being the tables outside a restaurant on sepulveda. the gay love of my life Greg Barnett, who I helped with some art stuff. Who is right now in NYC getting ready for a art show! And the desert flowers I bought to start celebrating turning 30! look at all the colors and sunbursts... :)

Amber came for a visit! We went to the beach cause I had to show her that! And then to a great East African restaurant in Culver City!
I am turning 30 next Wednesday!
Which got me thinking about 30 and well I am not done with beauty or youth but rather I am just ripening...my life is lush and vivid and just hit this point of juicy contentment. I have achieved some of my goals working in the arts, getting a masters, and in some strange twist of fate have performed as a dancer and become a performance artist, and shit a curator too.
Finally i am learning to flow with life's opportunities and I am starting to enjoy it.
I am not over thinking life as much and trying to learn to let myself enjoy the things I love and that I have worked hard for.
and I grabbed this photo that looks like a vain facebook profile pic...cause I look pretty. :)

The Ides of March

Well I am sure there are more than one blogger deciding to "pick up the pen" and get to writing again on this day, supposedly shrouded in bad luck. Well other than a slight headache so far i have made it through.

I am starting out with a lovely photo of the honeysuckle that wraps its way to my apartment...everyday that smell makes me smile and calms me down...as it starts to ripen and fall off the vine...even its sickly sweet dead blossoms are still appealing to me. When the earthquake in japan happened these blossoms brought me back from anxiety land and brought me back to the world.

Other than hysteria over the world as it is...things have been going just splendidly for me as of late. It is a great balanced sort of constant hum of contentment. I have been meeting new people, the art is flowing, and I enjoy my job. I am going to say all that cause it is hard for me to revel in all of that. so i am going to try.....ok i did it. :)

Just today my boss told me what a fantastic job I am doing at the gallery and it will keep me fueled to keep doing a fantastic job for months to come. It is so nice to hear you are doing well and means so much to me.

Well I am going to make this a short getting back into the swing of things with lots of photos blog. so many great things have happened the last few months.





Time with friends,

a performance night at Kristi Engle
and a pop song inspired cheer performance by Pedestal and the All Girl Band at Craftswoman,

a trip to Half Moon Bay outside of San Fran ,

and settling in to living in Mar Vista with a share in my local CSA look at those radishes ("yum buttons" and carrots!!!!!

library relationships

Today I walked to the library I go to...the thing is I moved...so the walk is pretty long...there and back to my new place...so I have started to put holds on books and have them sent to my new nearer library...tonight was rough as my library guy...the guy that has helped me the last year...the guy who asked how to pronounce my last name...he did a double take...and i said "what? what? do I have a fee? a fine?" and he said "oh and you have a book you can pick up [at my new library]"

it was heart breaking. I felt like we were breaking up. :)

I go to the library once a week. all it is is walking in getting my books on hold and then walking out after check out. But now I am slowly phasing out my old library location. How sad.

I can go visit but it just won't be the same.

New Time New Place

Hello all....i thought as I sit here with a sinus headache...I'd type out some of the crazy sort of thoughts that stream through a tired person's body. :)

It is very possible the stress of moving was part of how i got sick and that it got super cold in California standards this last week.

I have been spending a lot of time thinking about the future. Since I am moving out of a situation I don't want to live in into a place I see as a temporary solution. I wonder what exactly I want. Of course the answer is a stable place to live and a job that I could be happy at for several years. I guess what is amazing is that it took my 29 years to realize that is what many people spend there whole lives trying to get. For so long I wanted other things...adventure....knowledge...passion...love.
And well I still want all those things...now a place of my own...and a continued striving for a career in art....have lifted to the top of my desires...and the arty twist is the major part of my desire is about having a place to make art...more than a fancy living room or dining area....

this is so bland so plain...who wants to hear about this in a blog?

but that is what has been going on...lots of thinking and a bit of stress with changing my life again.

a plus to my new place...watching football on sundays...and no notes.

i have been really sick...tired..flush...achy...just overall flu like...sinus pressure...and the plus to that...was the two books that I read this weekend...
I read "The Red Queen" by Philippa Gregory which I love ah...love ah the British History books. And will read World Without End by Ken Follett next...if I haven't read it already...eek...I know I read Pillars of Earth.
Next was "Little Bee" which hit hard with my time in West Africa....a story of a girl trying to escape Nigeria to the UK. It was an amazing book. Read it. It makes me wonder what I can really do. And not in that I am 20 and want to change the whole world. I just want to make some change right where I am. How do I jump in to other people's lives...and not make a mess of them but help them...it is so confusing. What do I need to do? Like what can I make good? In all the confusingness of what good truly is?

and taking naps...now i am ready to feel good...and unfortunately I am still exhausted...and I guess it isn't coming out...but my dear the things you think about when you are exhausted...the things you notice...the overall picture you are too tired to focus on and you mind trips over things into you sort of stick on the weirdest things.

stay well and sleep lots. PEACE.

Marriage and the Libri

If I could marry a library I would...over a man over a woman over an animal...if there was a way that I could envelop my own life with that of knowledge and its physical the book I would. Because as I learn about knowledge for them most part it is a beautiful creation of play, and performance and passion. Truth an every present moral standard is not a reality. Humans create truth and humans create knowledge and we agree to all of that....as we move and act through society and culture.That is why i swim in books, teen fantasy fiction, historical fiction, ecopsychology...because it is teaching me how to create the next knowledge...the knowledge I can be a part of creating...that I am a part of just through reading its words....
I don't like technical manuals...I am more for fiction than non fiction...

So my nuptials would be one of commitment to making it up....rolling around in words and image....for metaphors that transform...that is what I am looking for...books create environments to try on and test out...or to judge the world we already have...with its demise or with its more glittery alternative.
Oh grand library of my love for creation of possibility...and often times the lament of reality.
Thank you. thank you for sparking my words and my actions and for keeping me company all these years....Thank you for understanding the riddles of life by keeping some hidden and opening the doors to others...

I realized this morning it started with Ichabod Crane...the reason why I like skinny teeny tiny tall men with large adam apples...I was staring at men as they drove by as I waited for the bus...and oh yes over and over again...large adam apples...i was attracted to them... :)

this really seems to be something that leads to my favorite disney cartoon...to the nerdy smart shy guy with the long legs....and the huge adam apples...

Life flows on

It always feels like ages since I have blogged but I am doing alright two weeks isn't bad!

I have had so much going on I sort of have forgotten what has happened. i need my day planner to look at all that has gone on....YES I use a day planner...not a palm pilot or an iphone...though at some point my life is going to get busy enough where an electronic device with tracking on it will be needed....
Here is a photo of me...which for some reason this week I have been thinking alot about living in LA...California living...because as we all know it is different than living other places...just like living ANYWHERE is different than somewhere else...but the mind set here is quite different than good old Minnesota....I feel like this photo describes my life maybe more than I would like it to...with the phone attached to my head and me worrying about my appearance and how I will come off to others...
It is me on the phone with Brenda Taylor in MN trying to decide if my make up is alright before going to this fashion show event called the ETHOS project.
With B celebrities...Christian from Project Runway was the MC....it is weird this Hollywood LA world that Andy and I plopped ourselves into....just wasn't our kind of people.... it was fun to go to...but I had more fun chatting up Andy at dinner and eating yogurtland....

what was fun was dressing up and being with a good friend...
My life is this weird mix of seriousness and play. I realize I don't want just glitter...I want glitter with substance...i am drawn to certain people for a reason. I want to continue to be involved in thoughts and feelings that are about playing with what the world can be....

A lot of changes are happening right now...I am moving this month...in with a dancer friend of mine and her great dog...I have no idea if it will be a calmer place or not than where I am now. But I am trying to create a less stressful living environment.

Along with that I have been at my fellowship 3 months. And it makes me start to think to the future....This is two years and what so I REALLY want to do next? What do I need to explore to get ready for the next adventure? I have my eyes on some residencies...but I would also love a situation where I could continue to organize and make art....I am really wondering here my allegiances lie..I have all these social issues that I say I am concerned about but where can I truly get to work and make a difference...and is that really what I want to do? Or is it just based in guilt?...I don't think so...

I have been performing and working and videoing and even a tiny bit of drawing...so much the last 3 months...I need a few months to THINK about what I want next...what am I saying and how do i want to say it? Read some theory, write some words, and I want to draw A LOT and reflect.
Things never get easier but I am feeling good about me. And not connecting me to my failures. Which is really new.Also Megan and I both are feeling a lot of homesickness...which I think is connected to Halloween...when we were children we spent our first Halloweens at our Great Grandfather's and the fun and innocence and ease of those days haven't been recaptured for us....maybe we are working towards that again...

The weather has been rainy and chilled here with a day or two of gorgeous "SoCal" weather. It has helped with this sort of need of contemplation. I have read about 4 or 5 book in the last 3 weeks....so that is the space I am in. While also riding my bike at least once a week. Which has been grrrrreat!