Tuesday, December 7, 2010

library relationships

Today I walked to the library I go to...the thing is I moved...so the walk is pretty long...there and back to my new place...so I have started to put holds on books and have them sent to my new nearer library...tonight was rough as my library guy...the guy that has helped me the last year...the guy who asked how to pronounce my last name...he did a double take...and i said "what? what? do I have a fee? a fine?" and he said "oh and you have a book you can pick up [at my new library]"

it was heart breaking. I felt like we were breaking up. :)

I go to the library once a week. all it is is walking in getting my books on hold and then walking out after check out. But now I am slowly phasing out my old library location. How sad.

I can go visit but it just won't be the same.

Monday, December 6, 2010

New Time New Place

Hello all....i thought as I sit here with a sinus headache...I'd type out some of the crazy sort of thoughts that stream through a tired person's body. :)

It is very possible the stress of moving was part of how i got sick and that it got super cold in California standards this last week.

I have been spending a lot of time thinking about the future. Since I am moving out of a situation I don't want to live in into a place I see as a temporary solution. I wonder what exactly I want. Of course the answer is a stable place to live and a job that I could be happy at for several years. I guess what is amazing is that it took my 29 years to realize that is what many people spend there whole lives trying to get. For so long I wanted other things...adventure....knowledge...passion...love.
And well I still want all those things...now a place of my own...and a continued striving for a career in art....have lifted to the top of my desires...and the arty twist is the major part of my desire is about having a place to make art...more than a fancy living room or dining area....

this is so bland so plain...who wants to hear about this in a blog?

but that is what has been going on...lots of thinking and a bit of stress with changing my life again.

a plus to my new place...watching football on sundays...and no notes.

i have been really sick...tired..flush...achy...just overall flu like...sinus pressure...and the plus to that...was the two books that I read this weekend...
I read "The Red Queen" by Philippa Gregory which I love ah...love ah the British History books. And will read World Without End by Ken Follett next...if I haven't read it already...eek...I know I read Pillars of Earth.
Next was "Little Bee" which hit hard with my time in West Africa....a story of a girl trying to escape Nigeria to the UK. It was an amazing book. Read it. It makes me wonder what I can really do. And not in that I am 20 and want to change the whole world. I just want to make some change right where I am. How do I jump in to other people's lives...and not make a mess of them but help them...it is so confusing. What do I need to do? Like what can I make good? In all the confusingness of what good truly is?

and taking naps...now i am ready to feel good...and unfortunately I am still exhausted...and I guess it isn't coming out...but my dear the things you think about when you are exhausted...the things you notice...the overall picture you are too tired to focus on and you mind trips over things into you sort of stick on the weirdest things.

stay well and sleep lots. PEACE.