Tuesday, December 7, 2010

library relationships

Today I walked to the library I go to...the thing is I moved...so the walk is pretty long...there and back to my new place...so I have started to put holds on books and have them sent to my new nearer library...tonight was rough as my library guy...the guy that has helped me the last year...the guy who asked how to pronounce my last name...he did a double take...and i said "what? what? do I have a fee? a fine?" and he said "oh and you have a book you can pick up [at my new library]"

it was heart breaking. I felt like we were breaking up. :)

I go to the library once a week. all it is is walking in getting my books on hold and then walking out after check out. But now I am slowly phasing out my old library location. How sad.

I can go visit but it just won't be the same.

Monday, December 6, 2010

New Time New Place

Hello all....i thought as I sit here with a sinus headache...I'd type out some of the crazy sort of thoughts that stream through a tired person's body. :)

It is very possible the stress of moving was part of how i got sick and that it got super cold in California standards this last week.

I have been spending a lot of time thinking about the future. Since I am moving out of a situation I don't want to live in into a place I see as a temporary solution. I wonder what exactly I want. Of course the answer is a stable place to live and a job that I could be happy at for several years. I guess what is amazing is that it took my 29 years to realize that is what many people spend there whole lives trying to get. For so long I wanted other things...adventure....knowledge...passion...love.
And well I still want all those things...now a place of my own...and a continued striving for a career in art....have lifted to the top of my desires...and the arty twist is the major part of my desire is about having a place to make art...more than a fancy living room or dining area....

this is so bland so plain...who wants to hear about this in a blog?

but that is what has been going on...lots of thinking and a bit of stress with changing my life again.

a plus to my new place...watching football on sundays...and no notes.

i have been really sick...tired..flush...achy...just overall flu like...sinus pressure...and the plus to that...was the two books that I read this weekend...
I read "The Red Queen" by Philippa Gregory which I love ah...love ah the British History books. And will read World Without End by Ken Follett next...if I haven't read it already...eek...I know I read Pillars of Earth.
Next was "Little Bee" which hit hard with my time in West Africa....a story of a girl trying to escape Nigeria to the UK. It was an amazing book. Read it. It makes me wonder what I can really do. And not in that I am 20 and want to change the whole world. I just want to make some change right where I am. How do I jump in to other people's lives...and not make a mess of them but help them...it is so confusing. What do I need to do? Like what can I make good? In all the confusingness of what good truly is?

and taking naps...now i am ready to feel good...and unfortunately I am still exhausted...and I guess it isn't coming out...but my dear the things you think about when you are exhausted...the things you notice...the overall picture you are too tired to focus on and you mind trips over things into you sort of stick on the weirdest things.

stay well and sleep lots. PEACE.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Marriage and the Libri

If I could marry a library I would...over a man over a woman over an animal...if there was a way that I could envelop my own life with that of knowledge and its physical the book I would. Because as I learn about knowledge for them most part it is a beautiful creation of play, and performance and passion. Truth an every present moral standard is not a reality. Humans create truth and humans create knowledge and we agree to all of that....as we move and act through society and culture.That is why i swim in books, teen fantasy fiction, historical fiction, ecopsychology...because it is teaching me how to create the next knowledge...the knowledge I can be a part of creating...that I am a part of just through reading its words....
I don't like technical manuals...I am more for fiction than non fiction...

So my nuptials would be one of commitment to making it up....rolling around in words and image....for metaphors that transform...that is what I am looking for...books create environments to try on and test out...or to judge the world we already have...with its demise or with its more glittery alternative.
Oh grand library of my love for creation of possibility...and often times the lament of reality.
Thank you. thank you for sparking my words and my actions and for keeping me company all these years....Thank you for understanding the riddles of life by keeping some hidden and opening the doors to others...

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

I realized this morning it started with Ichabod Crane...the reason why I like skinny teeny tiny tall men with large adam apples...I was staring at men as they drove by as I waited for the bus...and oh yes over and over again...large adam apples...i was attracted to them... :)

this really seems to be something that leads to my favorite disney cartoon...to the nerdy smart shy guy with the long legs....and the huge adam apples...

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Life flows on

It always feels like ages since I have blogged but I am doing alright two weeks isn't bad!

I have had so much going on I sort of have forgotten what has happened. i need my day planner to look at all that has gone on....YES I use a day planner...not a palm pilot or an iphone...though at some point my life is going to get busy enough where an electronic device with tracking on it will be needed....
Here is a photo of me...which for some reason this week I have been thinking alot about living in LA...California living...because as we all know it is different than living other places...just like living ANYWHERE is different than somewhere else...but the mind set here is quite different than good old Minnesota....I feel like this photo describes my life maybe more than I would like it to...with the phone attached to my head and me worrying about my appearance and how I will come off to others...
It is me on the phone with Brenda Taylor in MN trying to decide if my make up is alright before going to this fashion show event called the ETHOS project.
With B celebrities...Christian from Project Runway was the MC....it is weird this Hollywood LA world that Andy and I plopped ourselves into....just wasn't our kind of people.... it was fun to go to...but I had more fun chatting up Andy at dinner and eating yogurtland....

what was fun was dressing up and being with a good friend...
My life is this weird mix of seriousness and play. I realize I don't want just glitter...I want glitter with substance...i am drawn to certain people for a reason. I want to continue to be involved in thoughts and feelings that are about playing with what the world can be....

A lot of changes are happening right now...I am moving this month...in with a dancer friend of mine and her great dog...I have no idea if it will be a calmer place or not than where I am now. But I am trying to create a less stressful living environment.

Along with that I have been at my fellowship 3 months. And it makes me start to think to the future....This is two years and what so I REALLY want to do next? What do I need to explore to get ready for the next adventure? I have my eyes on some residencies...but I would also love a situation where I could continue to organize and make art....I am really wondering here my allegiances lie..I have all these social issues that I say I am concerned about but where can I truly get to work and make a difference...and is that really what I want to do? Or is it just based in guilt?...I don't think so...

I have been performing and working and videoing and even a tiny bit of drawing...so much the last 3 months...I need a few months to THINK about what I want next...what am I saying and how do i want to say it? Read some theory, write some words, and I want to draw A LOT and reflect.
Things never get easier but I am feeling good about me. And not connecting me to my failures. Which is really new.Also Megan and I both are feeling a lot of homesickness...which I think is connected to Halloween...when we were children we spent our first Halloweens at our Great Grandfather's and the fun and innocence and ease of those days haven't been recaptured for us....maybe we are working towards that again...

The weather has been rainy and chilled here with a day or two of gorgeous "SoCal" weather. It has helped with this sort of need of contemplation. I have read about 4 or 5 book in the last 3 weeks....so that is the space I am in. While also riding my bike at least once a week. Which has been grrrrreat!

Sunday, October 10, 2010


With my few hours off this month, I want to get in a post. Yeah that is pretty melodramatic but this month is turning out just as busy as September. and I am needing a break.
But what is going on is great! I had my first opening at the Ben Maltz Gallery. for the show MAKE:CRAFT. which is very up my alley with all artists being makers from techie peeps to sustainable reusers...to knitters!!! Marke Newport who I had chatted with at Cranbrook did a performance for the opening that was amazing! And then also Crank Ensemble from San Fran performed there amazing rubber band and metal made instruments (sample above) that have contact mics on them to conduct the sound...loved it!

My job was to make sure that the opening goes off without too many hitches and it went well.
the performers got set up and there was food. PHEW.

What is real time consuming is the Woman's Building exhibit that is in a year. we are getting the publications ready and the checklist (all the pieces that will be in the show) together and those two things are a full time in itself. I am really excited for the show and luckily along with my admin tasks get to go on studio visits and archive visits in preparation. I am finding that I LOVE archives and I LOVE studio visits.....
Ran into Hilja Keading an AMAZING artist and she made the comment that I would make a great curator....as I grapple with this divide...the artist--curator rift...I wonder how I can keep both...how how HOW? though I think I would make one smashing curator...I have all the skills needed...BOOM. Whereas with the artist role...I just don't that like stay in for hours and work on stuff in me...but I also make some really thoughtful art...in many realms...if you have comments please call me cause I would love some support and help as I decide what to do next....but know all is good. I am making art, performing and working as a curatorial fellow all on full steam ahead!!!! which is ravishingly wonderful.

My personal life though...geez I don't know if I know how to have one. I just like hop in to other people's eating dinner with my good friend Sarah Morton (amazing budding filmmaker) and her musician boyfriend Andy Hentz(he is like a hidden music genius)...I realize when I want to feel loved I just call them up and hang out with them like I live with them or something...I guess I imagine I am supposed to have folks over to my house and throw little soirees...whereas when I have a few hours...i just want to read...and well read some more...before I jet to dance rehearsal or the video lab. that the idea of having someone to sleep over every night seems irritating.

Joe Coyle visited this week and I think he got me thinking...Joe loves a melodrama and to talk about the sad and the deep...which I love...it just has me realizing I can let go even more of the bounds I set around myself...

Just keep rocking it.

Up next Public Parks Performance at Baldwin hills overlook on oct 17 at 5pm...Greg Barnett's LACE workshop at Noon on Oct 24
Hopefully some shadow drawings I have had brewwwwwwwwwwwwing for months now.

I am a bit homesick as Joe leaves and then Jesse asked for this blog connection so I guess I am writing this to Jesse....wondering if he had advice for me on how to invest in my personal life more....what he would tell me to do....oh the love hate of the artist life....things are going good but where am I?

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Time Flies

Well if I wait to figure out what photos I want to go with this post I may never get it posted!
So I want to make sure there is some consistency to my blog.

I am tired. Tired because I have been going at mach speed. And I have been trying to go at mach speed all my life. Now that I have I have decided it is too fast.
Luckily I at least am going mach speed doing things that I love.

Such as organizing public events for the gallery.
Researching with Meg about the Woman's Building.
Reading "The Corrections" and "Tinkers."
Reading my new subscription to the New Yorker.

All of these things seem extra special when Megan points out she can't do many of these things in Russia.

Though life sometimes becomes too many points of interest. I have done soo many cool things the last month they are blending together and all I want to do are boring things :) like play bananagrams...

but I also want to draw and paint. and photograph and video. and edit. and think.
mostly think. i want time to think about what i want to think about. and I will. I am.

Tonight I saw Simone Forti's quartet perform. Which was very interesting and it wasn't about layers like my work is about but rather the deconstruction of boundaries in language in a thoughtful way through the body, the image, and through sound. Bravo!

I saw Gorky's work at the MOCA and MAN oh MAN I love that guy now. he plays amazingly with transparency, layers, and abstraction in a way that is very emotional and appealing as it is in a strange way architectural or design orientated. I aspire to make work like that.

It was really hard to come back to a land with no family nearby. I miss them like crazy but I also realize I am on a very personal journey. One devoted to art, heart, and my family....

What I realized at Simone's performance were some rather large things...like how I could be someone of interest from the outside. That I had established myself here. That I had made some interesting friends. That this is where I want to be. and I am not so intimidated by others anymore...i don't look around for the approval of others but am a lot more centered than I have ever been.

The other thought I had this morning worth memorializing is about how we for a very long time have been trying to separate the body and the mind. wow that was a large part of my thesis but it felt like a new genuine thought this morning. it was about the internet and technology. we watch movies. we experience emotions or try to....without moving. we type. we you tube. also specifically scientists try to separate the two. but it is impossible. as we try to cure cancer not through getting rid of poison but curing the effect of poison. we loss the emotion reality of disease. science is our security blanket of reality sometimes. and when we learn something of use we exploit it....but how does that effect the body? sometimes the great things we learn have unexpected effects on the body and mind...i am rambling it is a new thought. science is a way to destroy bodily relationships by inserting the brain....i have no idea if I believe that...but science does effect intuition...i will think more on this....

hope you are still reading this....my exciting life. (rolling of eyes).... :)...i like it a lot but wonder if it is reading worthy...in this mind world disconnected from the body.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

August is called Performance Month

I just was chatting with my cousin, Grace, on facebook chat. A spotty communication device but I was so glad to see her online! Because she is in Guatemala in the Peace Corps! Man, do I feel lame when both my sister and my cousin are so cool to have the commitment to do this AMAZING thing. Grace said the sweetest thing that she loved reading this blog because my life was interesting to other people! WOW, what a compliment!So I got on blogger to talk about my week. It has been a crazy one. This weekend I had two different performances I was involved in. One my mentor invited me to be a part of her solo dance at RedCat. RedCat is THE avant garde art performance place. This was QUITE an opportunity! And I LOVE dancing with Hana van der Kolk...her dance is an amazing mixture of meditation and exploration of what reality means...what emotion is when isolated and how we can play with that in performance specifically a thing we box in as dance but we all like to call art.
(this isn't the performance we did this week but another performance I did with Hana at MOCA...it gives you an idea as to what we are into and do)...will get photos of this performance when available.)
All week we had rehearsals...this was made easier for me cause my friend Hanna (i know there isn't that many people with the name Hana or Hanna and here are two of my very best friends with the same name!). Hanna was also in Hana's dance. ;) Hanna was asked to be in this dance also. And she DROVE us downtown...making my commute SO MUCH EASIER. we rehearsed Monday and Wed. and then performed Thursday and Friday. It was AMAZING because at the end of Hana's solo...she recites the words to Prince's Die for You....and then starts to dance in one space...just dance to no music...and slowly 7 of us come down and join in...but the music to the song comes on when half of us were on stage....people sort of chuckle...because many of them didn't realize the words she said to them...looking them in the eye were the words to a pop song. we all dance with the intent to stay in the present moment....and say to with our bodies I will die for you to the audience. it is a magical experience to be a part of!I won't get into every part of Hana's solo dance because it would be a long blog entry but my favorite part is when she asks for volunteers from the audience....she has them to simple actions with her...intimate actions....touching shoulders with hands....nose to nose...mouth to mouth...and i was lucky and very happy to be a part of this during our dress rehearsal...I was the second volunteer....and Hana told me to go nose to nose with her....and that when she breathed out I would breath in....and everytime we should think about how we were both dieing togehter with everybreath....wow one...it is HARD to do that type of breath excercise when nose to nose with someone....and two i would just get chills every time I thought that we were both dieing...but not in a sentimental I know Hana as a friend isn't it sad she will die and I will die it was more bodily than that! amazing experience.I met a lot of cool people and go tot dance with old friends I adore!This was just my Thursday Friday and all of this was done while working my new job. Which I am enjoying immensely and adjusting to. When I talk to people I am just so glad for my life and how it is going.
THEN Saturday was Pedestal & the All Girl Band's mega event at 18th Street Arts night. There was weeks of planning..well months of planning with this event! And man, we had the coolest posters....and we hired a gourmet ice cream truck created by architects to sell ice cream...it was a two part event...with us traveling with our mobile karaoke unit and having people sing off scrolls that we had in amazing tubes created by Hataya...THEN a few hours later we had a karaoke party in the 18th street studio.Our mobile karaoke unit was a BIG hit! and even got told to stop cause people were being to loud singing with us! BIG hit! loved it! It was a lot of fun and we wore crazy outfits!
The party was fun too...but all of us were pretty wiped out by then and we couldn't serve booze so things were a little more quiet than I was hoping....but man oh man three of us organized a two part high energy performance! what an accomplishment!
(these two photos are for Grace....this is the sweater that i sported at Xmas this year...that she has been showing to her Guatemala friends....I know hot right! And i want her to show her my new fav shirt which is this green and black number...not as outrageous but still very Paige-a-licious)

This week I have a part in Barbara T Smith's fundraiser! and the next weekend magic garage! The performances continue! and so will this blog! Try to keep up! ;)
I will need a long break after this month!

Monday, July 19, 2010

well i don't have any words of art wisdom today.little tired from dog sitting to tell you the truth. i was so worried about doing a good job
or someone trying to get into my friends beach apartment...that i had anxiety dreams for 2 hours before i could really fall asleep. but there was a beautiful moment while walking Bo, the dog, yellow lab of comfy friendliness...SORRY no pics of Bo....that everything felt really sublime. hours later i realize everything feels sublime in the morning cause you aren't getting enough oxygen to your head to really compute everything.So backing up the weekend. busy i don't remember all i did....oh it comes back. we are starting the public practice 2010 collaborative...still to be named....and it is EXCITING....more later when we have our public branding more in place. ;)

SO sometimes you do things for love. sometimes you travel all the way to west hollywood on two buses in scorching heat...when you haven't eaten enough to feel close to someone far away. you know i worry...i worry i worry that my family in Minnesota and abroad think i don't care about them or think of them. i don't always do everything right...i forget aunt and uncles' birthdays...i come home as much as i can but it is hard to show appreciation from a distance...so I trekked to west hollywood...cause i miss my sister...BAD. I was sweating bullets surrounded by well balanced elder women...sweating more than me in one case....taking in an amazing folk dance concert based on a wedding....i was there cause one of the dances was Uzbek and Megan just went to a Uzbek wedding in K-stan...I mean i love dance and I was there for that...I love dance for the channeling of spirit...for the way you let go and let things flow...as the Uzbek dance started I knew I was there for Meg to in some weird way be closer to her and I teared up...cause it did make me feel closer to her...as I imagined her at the wedding of her host sisters just two weeks ago. how we show love is so strange. we see the movies...we read the books...where you wonder why people do what they do. the actions they decide to take. it is very hard to show love to someone when they are around---So we make up rituals of solitude that relate back to that love. strange. we all do it. i took a photo of an old old truck thinking of my dad. i listen to this or that song to remember a friend or an old flame.....

these are my thoughts for the day as I sit cross eyed in front of the computer alone.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010


Wow, what a week! Week number one of my job completed! It has been a good week…great week really. The adrenelaine that is connected to a new job is intense. I woke up early every morning. Grumpy but awake. Waking up not of my own free will is very hard for me. I know boo hoo but I am adjusting to a very set schedule whereas Grad school was hurry up and then wait. Grad school was RUSH RUSH RUSH. Now in my fellow ship there is a bit more time to pay attention to detail. There is time to ask questions more than in Grad School. I learned a lot this first week. From condition reports to honorarium forms, I enjoy jumping right in. All the people I work with are really fabulous! I will next learn about the more PR side and purchasing side of things. I CAN’T WAIT to be involved with the woman’s house exhibit that is coming up in 2011!

As for life outside work, I GOT ANEW BIKE! (I will insert a pic soon). I love her. Her name is Maggie Maude she is the most amazing color and a Raliegh beach cruiser. My Dad sent her to me. What a lucky daughter I am! AND I learned how to put together a bike cause it came in parts! So I learned a lot about bikes already. I haven’t taken her on a big trek yet. But I hope to go to the farmers market every Sunday with her.

I am really glad I like my new job, but my mind and body are in transition because of the shift. I think I am so good at change but it really stresses me out. So I am trying to find ways to stay balanced and grounded. Change really shakes up my body, I get tense and I grit my teeth. So I am trying to take it easy and not be too hard on myself.

But of course I also want to pack in A LOT of things during the weekend!

Friday I met with Christine Suarez about our dance collaboration! I am REALLY excited. We are both on the same wavelength on many points about performance. I am REALLY excited to start rehearsals for our piece together.

Saturday was the day I put together Maggie Maude. I also got some books from the library’s booksale area! What a great thing! Then Andy and I went to the premiere screening of “Night Sky” which I was a dancer in!!!! what fun it was to see Alison O’Daniel’s film. It was gorgeous and cosmic and of course I liked seeing myself in it! I will attach the link to the trailer. AND my dress was in it too on the partner I danced with (I was in the lesbian couple of the movie). Alison wanted me with this dreamy tall African America guy who is deaf but the deaf actors wanted to stay together…which I get. And Xio my partner rocked and we had fun dancing together. So Xio wore my patterned dress from England…so whenever I saw it I thought of the life that dress has had.

Andy was so sweet for going with me as he had had a long day. And then on the way back to the car we ran into like 6 PEOPLE!!! It was hilarious…then we got a little lost going home and past the spot where he and I had changed his truck tire last summer…it was really weird and reminded me of the movie we had just watched! Life was telling us something..i have no idea what…but andy and I do love to get lost in LA together!

Today! I went to Chinatown for a Public School event (see I told you I packed it in cause I am working now!). first I met with Hataya and we had a meeting about our collective! We are getting reved up for 18th Street Art night! I am SOOO excited for our karaoke performances and for eating Coolhaus ice cream sandwiches. It is my job to write up the scrolls for our performances…got to get on that this week! Then when we parted ways I watched this break dancers warm up for a competition it was AWESOME. And while I was watching latinos, Asians, white guys, black guys, one girl, one adorable tiny kid, and who ever was there break dance…I realized again why I love LA. I can stumble into Chinatown and there is everyone dancing to the beat on a Sunday afternoon all together. DJ mixing it up for us all to groove to…WOW…the wind would rush through the plaza and for a second we wouldn’t be sweating throughour tanktops…and I just had to sigh and say AHHHHHHHH….inside my head.

Then I went to Adam Overton’s experimental music class at the Public School. Which I enjoyed thouroughly through a allergy headache : (….Sun Ra was first up and his friend Steve led the class…I have to say I really liked hearing a chronological listen to Sun Ra! I also think that Sun Ra was HEAVY on the west African influence early on….i felt like I was in ghana while listening to Watusa..the second recording of it….Next was Albert Alyer…who if you don’t know him…check him out…though my head was really achy by then….I think he is worth some listening. I am not a huge fan of jazz or know that much about it…but I have heard Alyer’s stuff twice now…and I think it is unique. I like this misunderstood artist mystique…and what it leads artists to do. I wonder that if in alyer’s case the reason he turned to God was because he needed something or someone to understand what he was doing. Or like if he said his music was about God people wouldn’t give him such a hard time….the class is about spirituality and music. I missed the John Cage class with a zen focus. In two weeks is satanic and psychedelic music…which will be a trip! Just google The Public School and you can see all sorts of classes to take at this site.

OK OK its 940pm and I have got to break down and take something for my allergy headache and get some rest before I start another week.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Fourth of July

So I spent Fourth of July away from my homeland of Minnesota...and I must say there is nothing like a Lake Cabin Fourth of July and I did yearn for it. But I pulled my self together :) and got out there!
I spent a day being as lazy as possible on the 3rd and succeeded. Then andy called me up and said LETS GO! and there was only one thing to do....GO! And go we went. We tried to go see the Baths show at the Troubadour...but as we stood in line for tickets THREE people before us it was sold out. Disappointing but as Andy and I both said we have been talking about seeing live music for months...this was our first step to realizing it....so next time we will get in...probably still won't be on time but we will get in. :) INSTEAD we went to the Landmark and saw Toy Story 3...something we both wanted to see badly and in 3D and next week in LA it is going totally 2D except in far off theater. I thought it was a great plot and the cartoon was beautiful. I don't want to be a spoiler but there were some suspenseful parts...well played pixar.
As fourth of July proper started.....I got up early to get to the Farmers market on Grand View....WOWZERS what a great farmers market...a big organic section. It seemed like i spent a LOT of money but left with $20 in my pocket....In the pic there is tri colored organic green beans...yellow plums...white nectarines...yellow honey nectarines all organic...kale..two types of lettuce...organic strawberries..honey...half a loaf of rosemary bread...CHOCOLATE with salt and almonds...and blueberries and lavender...and one chocolate pastry to start my fourth! I don't know how that happened. I bought fancy things like gourmet chocolate and honey! All these gorgeous nectarines!! YUM....I love all the nectarines in Cali...yellow ones...white ones....ones that taste SUPER sweet...more mellow ones...yummies....so I made out with lots of organic produce and didn't feel like i had spent all my money on a head of lettuce. This farmers market had a great feel and I can walk there and then bus back.
After that I napped and then went to the beach with my friend Sally. We enjoyed my first in a long time sober Fourth of July. Which was amazing to do in the waves of drunks that were in Venice. We beached it. We had some hamburgers, fried zucchini, french fries....WOOOOO. Sally lives close to the beach so we went back to her house and watched Alice and Wonderland. Then we didn't brave the drunken crowds to get to the Marina where the fireworks but were able to watch from afar very clearly on a bridge in Venice. It was great. I didn't have to get stressed out by the crowd and saw my beloved fireworks....there was a heart shaped one...yup I am that sentimental to LOVE that they made a firework like a heart....the grande finale was AWESOME. I give the Marina an A- for firework display.....I keep comparing it to the Boston fireworks...it could be...COULD be...but I am not ready to commit to that.
So overall a great stress free Fourth of July. It felt great to laze around with my friend and we ended the night with another movie and a root beer float. :) Funny People...WATCH THIS FILM! Not only was it funny but it hit home a bit. There is this scene in the movie where Seth Rogan playing the moral up coming comedian gets in a fight with a girl for sleeping with his roommate like they are a couple while they hardly know each other. I can relate to Seth :) on that one. Sometimes we ask incredibly emotional things from strangers cause we want more from than or we see the potential to be happy with them. Of course I also related to Seth Rogan cause he is living in LA trying to make his dreams happen. his search for mentors and his ambition. i get all those things.
Overall a great weekend! Though I am sure I missed The Peacock, the christening of Uncle Joe's new pontoon, and some romping games of Pounce and Bananagrams. :( Next year....I am hoping to get home for all that fun!

Thursday, July 1, 2010

LIFE! is good!

THIS IS WHERE I LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THIS IS ME LOOKING GOOFY on my first day of work!

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

LACMA and Female

Yesterday I went to LACMA. I haven't been since the first summer I was here. Mostly because I have been swamped with school. Today I had a meeting there to meet with Jules Rochielle about possibly being involved with her project, Portable Cities. Which I am honored she wants my input and involvement. Here is a link to her awesome project http://www.portablecityprojects.org/lace-residency-public-interest/

I went early to check out the art, Beuys and Baldessari have exhibits up. And what a combo! Beuys is very hard to exhibit because his work was performace, design, and art in the name of a political agenda. But more importantly I think was his belief in mystery. That you shouldn't explain away the meaning of your art or the passion in your art. But it leaves the objects a bit lifeless in the gallery. My favorite part of that exhibit was the animal prints. Images of animals that are just scratches of images are so mysterious and beautiful.

BALDESSARI what a man! everything blends together spirit, image, design, deliberation, and performance. This man really is quite an artist. There is spirit in composition. God has a nose. letting an image breath. letting an image float. composition is a language that creates a feeling.
It is all in the overlap for JB. He has these paintings that are images from photos or film with paintings and double exposure....that is where we live in reality and that is where art lies. Art lies in the overlap...of image and composition....JB lets you create reality through setting up a structure that breaths. The man plays with simple things but in building on those simple things creates quite a story. Hope is a color and a form on top of a field of images....brillant.

as you can see i enjoyed what I saw because it made me think about how distance and overlap work....how the impersonal can become personal and how the personal can be mundane....our brain creates images...our culture creates images (cinema-photo) and text creates images...all of these things meld together into something more...something with flesh.

so this brings me to my own work which was on Venice Beach today. For thirty minutes I meditated on my femaleness. I meditated. I embodied. I was flesh with the thoughts the structures of female. This idea was inspired by Adam Overton when I had explored speaking to art works through a feminine gaze....but men are female too! He reminded me of this. The experience personally was gratifiying and I learned a lot about receiving. How male and female are so intertwined every wave contains both. But the FEELINGS of this were rather magical. As I sat there letting life in and not judging, that THAT is something I want to do every moment of my life. And I left the beach more ready to receive life. I thought of Baldesarri as i sat there and i wondered what he would think of this work. At first I thought man he would hate it...there is no image to overlap to make reality POP. And then I realized he would love it...it sure as hell wasn't boring ;) and that in going to FAR into the cinema image in our everyday life this act of getting make to reality is an act of consciuos overlapping!!!!! woo!
Here is the link to the awesome series I am doing this work through
Lets just say there was a lot of good thoughts and feelings that happened today....as for yesterday Jules and I's meeting was very fruitful! and i am excited to work with people and movement within Jules' residency at LACE! So excited about art! yes!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, June 28, 2010

Past and Present

So here I am days away from my new job! I must admit I nervous. Something I won't be showing on the first day of work. :) I have been procrastinating about pulling out the paperwork I have to fill out.
Today was an easy day...one in which I slept through my scheduled chat with my friend Russell in England because I forgot while really enjoying a few more hours of sleep. Something I just couldn't seem to get the past few weeks.

I am organizing my room as I organize my life. I have bought a few new dresses, shirts, and pants so I can look and feel professional. I got a dresser today after two years of letting my clothes rule my room. :) I got some mirrors from the studio and rearranged my room.

And my biggest project is creating a book of all the momentos I have kept the past two years. What is amazing is....it feels like mementos from about 5 years...there are all these amazing things and people that were CRAMMED into two years....and the thing is these are just the mementos and moments I chose to keep and organize. There were so many more that were thrown away....either in good riddance or just that everyday things seem less important when collecting objects. We want to tell stories with objects...not always mundane moments.
So I photographed a beautiful moment from today. This bowl of cherries....what a bowl of cherries, eh? I think of my Dad when I see cherries cause he likes them so much. I got TWO pounds of cherries for $9 at the farmers market. The red ones are earthier and more full bodied, whereas the yellow/red ones are sort of tart and light. I know he would be a bit envious of all those cherries. :)

Had a great tea time chat with Michele J. I hope to someday be as grounded as she. I also hope to someday teach and facilitate like she does in some capacity. We both agree my new job is going to be a GREAT opportunity for me to learn and to see what my capabilities and interest lie within curation.

Yup getting nervous and EXCITED for my new job!

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Love Inspiration

Love Poem #171 by Athena Kildegaard

"According to Montaigne our minds
do nothing but “ferret and quest”

sniff out
dig up
seek, as Odysseus

on the run from tragedy
to romance, evading
temptation and brutality,
succumbing too—

what would ferreting and questing be
without giving in
without overpowering

but finally, after all that,
sweaty and famished,
falling into open arms."

check out this link of me being a Vision Card Cover Girl

Saturday, June 26, 2010


Sometimes I think that I will forever live in LA. The sun streams down on to the green streets of Mar Vista as I walk to my friends garage sale....and I think about how every day is just as lovely as the next. That there are creative people all around. That I am dong what I want to do. But mostly there is something so satisfying about always being satisfied by the world around you. The gorgeous plants, flowers, and trees. But more then the visual. There is this feeling that comes over me more and more....this unexplainable feeling of knowing I am not going to leave....this feeling of complete. The feeling of complete that is at once being trapped and at once being free. Then I can't hear my mother on my cell phone cause the traffic on Venice Blvd. is so loud...and it smells like exhaust. I get jolted out of my revelry. But lately that revelry happens more and more. I'm getting sucked in. But I also miss the hardship of cold. Of needing wool socks. Survival is so real when it is 5 degrees out. You see the infrastructure of civilization. Of knowing that the world is NOT just a playground for all of us adults playing big kids. In California it feels like all you need is a tarp, some food, a swimsuit, and a sweater with you and you could live comfortably. It is a quirky place....(see pic of AA market that sells booze)
Last night I had the GREATEST time! But I have no pics to go with this story. I went dancing! At my friend Ofunne's bday party! What a blast! danced to African, disco, hip hop, etc....magical! magical night! new friends....old friends...music and a tiny dance floor....

I have to admit it is a lot of fun! Today I went to my friend Lara's garage sale that was at Bod and Theresa's house...see pics of the great set up of watching the World Cup OUTSIDE! it was grand to sit outside after buying an amazing pair of boots to wear to work and some clothes for my new job (I spent $23). I was cheering for Ghana against the USA....cause I am a traitor like that...but mostly cause I know what a win for Ghana would be to the people of Ghana. Ghana has nothing. This win would be an eruption of joy for Ghana. Well I should say I am SURE it was....but you won't find it blasted all over the internet. You won't see commercials about it seconds after the win, because Ghana isn't a world power. Ghana is a poor country with a big heart. I think the team showed that today. (I am an American I mourn our loss but I think it is great we got out of group play and into the real tourney! we are growing as a team). Futbal is HUGE in Ghana. Go Ghana!

What I thought about today was perspective. The perspective that taking different buses give me. If I can get to the same neighborhood on different buses, visually and physically it can be a very different experience. I enjoy walking down the same street twice in random neighborhoods. Try to remember why I was there. how it looked then. And how does it look differently. AND realize how neighborhoods can look very similar. This all seems rather simplistic but to experience perspective. The way a road looks from one end to another. How you can walk back the way you came and it is completely different in a way. That is cool. There was a teddy bear stuck in a tree on my street and days would go by before I remembered it was there. And then one day it was gone. looking is about attention and it doesn't get old.I think this perspective also speaks to relationships.... As I try to receive love in a healthier way, I see those around me differently.

I ended my adventuring at the Susan Vielmetter Gallery. After all this introspection thinking about and learning about immigration policies of america and the fight against them was harsh. But was very lucky to hear Enrique Morones of Border Angels and Ernesto Yerena speak. and Felicia Montes spoken word (view above pic). I am just trying to digest what I learned. Andrea Bowers work is amazing....with thousands of names of the dead who died trying to cross in America since the wall went up in graphite covering the walls like the border's wall. The idea of the wall being like the Berlin wall never sunk in until I heard Morones compare the two today. I wanted to listen to Andrea's other video about the land grab in Utah but I hadn't eaten all day and had to jet home.

I can't wait for tomorrow.

Friday, June 25, 2010

New beginnings

Hi all!
Instead of writing my life story in 420 characters or less in my facebook status every few hours. I started a blog. This is for all my friends and family not in LA, that I long to see. Also, those friends in LA that live on the East Side and I never get to see. :)

As I start my fellowship at the Ben Maltz Gallery, I'm looking for a place to discuss my ideas about life and art. AND a place to chronicle my adventures here in California! That though public isn't blasted to everyone in the world on facebook. I want a place with a bit more depth here in cyberland.

SO the most pressing thing to discuss right now...is THE BEACH! cause i have been there a few times this week....is an idea to photograph all the different things people lug to the beach....today I saw a man who was carrying an oversized bag on his bag (probably a tent of some sort) for a day at the beach...while his lady friend had nothing in her hands...AND the young woman with the hot pink/magenta pillows that were studded with rhinestone CROWNS on them! I guess this intrigues me what people lug to a place that is for leisure. What do I carry? I carry 1-3 books, water, and a snack in my green african print bag--sometimes i wear a swimsuit--sometimes i just go for the sound of the waves and to people watch. I love Venice!

The other day another great thing about the beach is the ice cream vendors! these guys come crashing through the sand (uff!) to deliver their ice cream from a hand cart to me! and Sally! for $2 a pop! now THAT is a deal! i had a yummy push pop. which no longer has fred flintstone on it but is a bit more sherbet and has tweety on it.

Well here it is, if you want inside my head a bit. Or want to keep up with my adventures. Here is the place to go. My mother will be reading this so keep your comments for the most part clean! :)