I have had so much going on I sort of have forgotten what has happened. i need my day planner to look at all that has gone on....YES I use a day planner...not a palm pilot or an iphone...though at some point my life is going to get busy enough where an electronic device with tracking on it will be needed....
Here is a photo of me...which for some reason this week I have been thinking alot about living in LA...California living...because as we all know it is different than living other places...just like living ANYWHERE is different than somewhere else...but the mind set here is quite different than good old Minnesota....I feel like this photo describes my life maybe more than I would like it to...with the phone attached to my head and me worrying about my appearance and how I will come off to others...
It is me on the phone with Brenda Taylor in MN trying to decide if my make up is alright before going to this fashion show event called the ETHOS project.
With B celebrities...Christian from Project Runway was the MC....it is weird this Hollywood LA world that Andy and I plopped ourselves into....just wasn't our kind of people.... it was fun to go to...but I had more fun chatting up Andy at dinner and eating yogurtland....
what was fun was dressing up and being with a good friend...
My life is this weird mix of seriousness and play. I realize I don't want just glitter...I want glitter with substance...i am drawn to certain people for a reason. I want to continue to be involved in thoughts and feelings that are about playing with what the world can be....
A lot of changes are happening right now...I am moving this month...in with a dancer friend of mine and her great dog...I have no idea if it will be a calmer place or not than where I am now. But I am trying to create a less stressful living environment.
Along with that I have been at my fellowship 3 months. And it makes me start to think to the future....This is two years and what so I REALLY want to do next? What do I need to explore to get ready for the next adventure? I have my eyes on some residencies...but I would also love a situation where I could continue to organize and make art....I am really wondering here my allegiances lie..I have all these social issues that I say I am concerned about but where can I truly get to work and make a difference...and is that really what I want to do? Or is it just based in guilt?...I don't think so...
I have been performing and working and videoing and even a tiny bit of drawing...so much the last 3 months...I need a few months to THINK about what I want next...what am I saying and how do i want to say it? Read some theory, write some words, and I want to draw A LOT and reflect.
Things never get easier but I am feeling good about me. And not connecting me to my failures. Which is really new.
Also Megan and I both are feeling a lot of homesickness...which I think is connected to Halloween...when we were children we spent our first Halloweens at our Great Grandfather's and the fun and innocence and ease of those days haven't been recaptured for us....maybe we are working towards that again...The weather has been rainy and chilled here with a day or two of gorgeous "SoCal" weather. It has helped with this sort of need of contemplation. I have read about 4 or 5 book in the last 3 weeks....so that is the space I am in. While also riding my bike at least once a week. Which has been grrrrreat!
